If osama ruled iraq

After all the previous justifications for the invasion and occupation of Iraq are now as discarded as three-year old Bud Light commercials, we’re now told that we can’t bring the troops back now or some kind of unimaginable horror would occur. We’re facing the abyss, they tell us. But they never really spell it out, leaving a black hole for us to fill with all our deepest, most terrifying fears. Well, OK, let’s go there. What’s the worst that could happen? Let’s go ahead and imagine it. Iraq becomes a haven for terrorists. So what? What if the devil himself, Osama Bin Laden, ruled Iraq.

Now, of course, we’re not talking about the real Osama, the guy with the bad kidneys who just wanted American troops out of Saudi Arabia. We’re talking about the imaginary Dr. Evil that the American press has built up to be mad dog democracy-hating terrorist genius number one. Lex Luthor on jihad. Let’s say this guy takes over.

First of all, before he can get the nuclear bomb program going so he can continue his suicidal mania for killing Americans, he’s gonna have to deal with a few domestic issues. Number one, the Shia militias are gonna be gunning for him, with all the help they need from Iran. Them Shi-ites sure hate them Sunni fanatics. Plus those pesky Sunni insurgents, those Baathist dead-enders who never quite come to the last of their throes, they’ll be gunning for him as well, with plenty of help from their Saudi backers. Naturally the Kurds will launch a few rockets his way as well.
And, in the meantime, he’ll need to sell the oil to finance whatever nefarious plans he has, and he’ll need some international cooperation to do that, which might be lacking if he makes any terrorist moves. These evil terrorists our leaders keep terrifying us with, they only stay terrorists as long as they can stay in the shadows. Give them a state to run, and they become politicians, as ineffective as any other, as easy a target as any other. See where this is going? Iraq is the kind of nightmare you might wish on your worst enemy.